If you haven’t yet caught “Walking with Cavemen” on the Discovery Channel, do yourself a favor and set your VCRs for the next time it airs.

It was narrated by Alec Baldwin, the second coolest voice ever. The first coolest voice, of course, being Sean Connery. Alec is starting to look old. His hair is going gray, and he’s getting a bit round.

I was never a huge fan of anthropology, but it was absolutely amazing to hominids evolve over millions of years, from ape-like Australopithecus creatures, to Homo Sapiens. To see the necessary changes that nature made, in order for these species to adapt to the changes in their environment.

It was fascinating how Neanderthal could laugh at himself, or how Ergaster did not progress beyond the stone axe for one million years. How Heidelbergensis split into two groups, one group staying in Africa, the other going to Europe. The European tribe, suffering through the Ice Age, became Neanderthal, short and stocky, with the ability to shrug off pain, and reset their own bones. The African tribe evolved into Sapiens, long and lean, with dark skin as they adapted to the drought.

I also wonder where we will we be in the next ten years? Fifty? Hundred?. In the last century, we invented the automobile, and mastered flight. In the last decade, we created the Internet. Will we survive, or will we destroy ourselves? What will we evolve into?

Anyway, it was a pretty kick-ass documentary. And while we’re on the subject of films, I was hanging out with some friends the other day and they decided to rent one of the dullest movies I have ever seen. If any of you have the strange desire to see Ashton Kutcher and Brittany Murphy in “Just Married,” save yourself the aggravation and sew your eyes shut.

Man, was this movie not funny. It was so not funny, I’m not sure how they could get away with calling this a comedy. It is about two people getting married who hardly know each other. What could go wrong?

The jokes are tired, the pratfalls have been done to death, and I called ten minutes into the film that the entire movie would be about their trying unsuccessfully to have sex. How obviously right I was.

I don’t understand America’s fascination with Ashton Kutcher. The man can’t act. He plays the same damn character in every role he has taken. And it’s not typecasting, people. This role, the lead in “Just Married” is different from Kelso from “That 70’s Show.” However, why waste good money on acting lessons, when your could play both roles the same.

I take that back. Ashton isn’t playing both roles the same. He doesn’t seem to be acting at all. He’s playing himself. Why does everyone love him so? He’s a hack. And he’s stinking up the box office with his crappy movies.

Anyway, to recap: run to see “Walking With Cavemen,” flee from Ashton.

Days out of work: 25

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