Hey kids! What’s cooler than a show about a forensic medical examiner? A show about a forensic medical examiner who is also a cowboy! Never mind that there was no such thing as fingerprint evidence, or ballistics in the Wild West. Tom Berenger don’t need no factual historical interpretation! Tom Berenger needs a six-shooter and a microscope.

Note to network executives: try cracking a book before you go pitching the next spin-off to CSI.

If I was Caleb Carr, I’d be pitching “The Alienist” all over Hollywood. Now that’s a show (or film) I’d love to see. Late nineteenth century alienists (psychiatrists) and police detectives tracking down serial killers using actual early forensic skills. Guest starring Wilfred Brimley as NYPD Police Commissioner Teddy Roosevelt!

Forensics is a hot topic in TV-land. And now, it seems Period Forensics, is gaining favor. At least with the USA Network. He might as well cash in.

All kidding aside, I really enjoyed Carr’s books “The Alienist” and “The Angel of Darkness,” which is its sequel. They’re a good read. Tell ‘em Jeff sent you. And then they’ll say, “Who?” and you can reply, “Jeff, you old dumbass. Oh never mind.” and then end up paying full price for the books.

But I doubt I’ll enjoy “Peacemakers.” Here’s the TV Guide entry for the debut: Tom Berenger rides high as leathery Marshal Jared Stone in the 90-minute premiere of this cable Western series about crime-solving in the 1880s.

“Rides high?” “Leathery Marshal Jared Stone?” Eww.

Anyway, big day yesterday. I got a haircut and bought a new digital camera.

One of the most fulfilling sensations is a pair of vibrating clippers moving against the back of your skull. I figure I’ll be able to get the same enjoyment without having to go to the barbershop, however, that would entail the purchase of a vibrator.

I’m not sure there is a way for me to buy one without getting silly looks from the porno shop guy, and I sure as hell don’t want one on my credit card receipts, so that rules out the Internet. I guess I’ll have to wait until I find my next girlfriend, break up with her, and steal her vibe, for some hot skull-soothing action.

I also mentioned that I bought a groovy new digital camera. Technically, it’s not mine. It’s mine until the Wilmington Section of the American Institute of Chemical Engineers reimburses me for it. And even then, it stays at my house, so, yeah; I guess it’s mine.

I also bought the service plan from Best Buy. Hey, I’m no sucker. At the end of this year’s budget, I plan on tossing the camera down a flight of stairs. That way, I get the money back for a new camera, plus any leftover money in our budget for next year. Each year, we keep getting a better camera.

Foolproof, I tell you!

Anyway, you can find some of the first pictures taken with this miracle of the electronic age here, here, here, and even here. Enjoy.

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