Is there anything worse than being surrounded by thirty thousand dirty hippies? How about being surrounded by thirty thousand hippies with nowhere to go?

I went to the Phish show in Camden last night. That’s right, we all remember my love for Camden. And it rained. Lord, how it rained. And I laughed for hours at the dirty, smelly hippies standing on the saturated lawn as my ass stayed dry under the pavilion. Sometimes it pays to shell out an extra ten bucks for a seat.

The show, as usual, was amazing. For those of you who care about these things, here’s the setlist:

07/31/03 Tweeter Center - Camden, NJ

Set 1: Llama, Moma Dance, Divided Sky, Dirt, Seven Below, The Sloth, Water in the Sky, Wolfman's Brother, Possum

Set 2: Piper, Mike's Song > I Am Hydrogen > Weekapaug Groove -> Free, Friday, Harry Hood

Encore: Frankenstein

So there. You know I’m not lying. The show totally rocked.

And after the show, after we trekked back to the parking lot along the beautiful Delaware River, polluted with people’s garbage: beer cans, food wrappers, and the like, only to wait for an hour to exit the lot after a free-for-all to the exit spontaneously occurred.

So we’re trapped, and it’s like driving through a drive-thru safari. “Look at the lions, kids. Roll up your windows.” The hippies are everywhere. Playing Frisbee. Setting up camp. Selling garlic grilled cheese sandwiches. And this hippie Earth Mother is orthogonal to me, inching closer, trying to butt into line.

I’m fully willing to let her in, when I have to just laugh. This hippie chick is in her patchwork clothing, dreads molding on her scalp, and she’s driving an SUV. This vegetarian, “I don’t pollute my body with meat,” retard is puffing away on her cigarette. This environmental activist, “Don’t kill my trees, man!” has just casually thrown her cigarette out the window and on the ground.

Fucking hypocrite! That’s when I decide not to let her in. And I win.

I usually have no issue with hippies, or anyone for that matter. If that’s what you want to do, then fine, be my guest. Hop to it. But don’t say you do something, and then turn around and do the opposite. That really pisses me off. So here’s to you hippie bitch. Suck it.

And another thing!

What the hell is with all these damn hippies bringing their dogs to the concerts?! It really pisses me off, because they have to leave them locked up in their vans or something, and that’s really fucking cruel.

Oh well.

The next show I’m going to, I’m going to liberate all of the hippie dogs, and then, maybe, they can lead a decent life. No more of this, “I don’t eat meat, so my dog doesn’t eat meat” bullshit.

I don’t know what it is about Phish shows that bring out the freaks. Dead shows aren’t like this. Everyone is pretty cool, unlike Phish shows, where most of the people are acting half retarded.