I had a most excellent weekend, although, I’ll wait until tomorrow to fill all of you in on my fantastic time.

So I’ve been watching "The Restaurant" since it premiered, and I’ve held off about discussing it, mainly because I didn’t want to seem too critical. Now that I’ve found something positive to say along with the negative, I don’t feel so bad for railing the editiors of the show (because it’s always the editor’s/producer’s fault). Well, that and the fact that next week is the finale.

The premise is simple: Rocco Dispirito, a chef trained in French cuisine and executive chef of Union Pacific, an extremely swanky place to dine in Manhattan, has decided to open an Italian restaurant (cuisine of which he admittedly knows virtually nothing) with the help of his aging Southern Italian mother as head chef.

Sound simple?

The first few episodes dealt with finding a location, promoting the restaurant, and hiring and training the wait staff, and kitchen staff. Then, the restaurant, Rocco’s, opened and all Hell broke loose.

Food was cold, food orders were wrong, the waiters seemed unknowledgeable of the menu, and only had negative things to say about the experience, and about Rocco, specifically. C- and D-level celebrities like Fran Drescher, and Fisher Stevens dropped in to dine. Everyone thought the restaurant had a split personality.

It seems, while Rocco was going for a two-star appeal, his use of fine china, and multiple sets of silverware per course conflicted rather harshly with his style of serving items like calamari, in a paper boat with a toothpick Italian flag stuck in it. Well, that and the prices are fairly outrageous. Take a look at the menu.

Whatever. Growing pains.

My first issue is with the product placement. American Express, and Coors Light obviously paid a truckload of money to the show. Images containing their logos appear in the credit sequence, and throughout each episode. The even have the prime commercials between breaks. The kitchen manager will say, “Heads up, Jose. We got Coors Light coming.” Rocco will say, “What? The paychecks are late? Call up American Express Open, and use our line of credit.” No lie.

It’s blatant, and it’s tacky.

My next issue is with the obvious staged recreations that are edited into the show to seem as if they were live. Gideon, a waiter who was demoted to a runner, slipped on the wet kitchen floor mat, fell and broke his arm. Apparently, the camera missed his reaction, so they restaged it. I don’t even know how they can keep calling this a reality show, when the whole point is to capture the “real time” drama as it unfolds. Recreating drama, to recoup missed action is not real. It is so fake. You suck, camera guys. If you don’t want to miss the action, then get more cameras. Or better camera operators. I’m just sayin’.

I originally watched this show because I hoped it would be a live-action version of Tony Bordain’s book, “Kitchen Confidential,” a book of which I am a huge fan, and highly recommend to anyone. In his book, he talks about the delicate ballet that takes place in the kitchen during a busy dinner. The line cooks twisting to avoid each other as each does his (or her) part to make each dinner come together seamlessly, and at the same time.

(Up until last night) we haven’t really seen this. Rocco, and the hosts, always talk about getting slammed with reservations for 300, but we never see how this is effects the kitchen. We only see customers complaining, and waiters running around like chickens with their heads cut off.

The waiters have been bitching that Rocco isn’t doing anything; all he does is schmooze with the clientele. Hello? That is absolutely key to a new restaurant. You need to greet your customers and thank them for dining at your establishment. However, I, as a viewer, would like to see him perform his other duties of ordering food, hiring and firing (which we saw last night), dealing with late deliveries and purveyors, and all of the other things that go on behind the scenes, to show what really happens day-to-day in a restaurant.

At least 75% of all of the footage aired to date, has been about the waiters, these snobbish, would-be actors who can’t handle the customers, or the food, or the criticism or lack of complete attention from Rocco. When every customer says that the food is cold (I’m not exaggerating here) that signifies a problem in the kitchen. We don’t need to see the waiters get flustered from dealing with the customer; we need to see why the problem exists. Let’s see why the food is wrong, cold, or distasteful.

I do, however, feel a little bit badly for the waiters when they get stiffed by the customer. They are working hard (they just bitch too much). These people are really getting screwed in tips. I’m constantly amazed by the people who are tipping less than 10%. With people being comped expensive meals, and being given 30% off the bill, they keep screwing over the waiters. That’s just a dick move.

I guess I take issue with the show focusing more on the font of the house (the waiters) than with the back house (the kitchen) is that in the kitchen, the line cooks are doing what they want to be doing. The waiters are all waiting tables until their next audition.

I agree with Tony Bordain’s assessment that the restaurant is like an army, with the Chef acting as General. I want to see Rocco succeed. I want to see him command his troops. He didn’t disappoint me last night.

Last night’s episode dealt mainly with the kitchen (finally!). Apparently, the three best line cooks were also feeling the pressure from being slammed with so many reservations (which we did not see) and decided to mutiny.

We saw all sorts of concern from the staff (the most coming from Rocco’s mother) as we’re told of a bar fight involving one of the line cooks, in which he was seriously injured and taken to the hospital by the other two. The prognosis? Not good. A serious concussion. He’ll be out for a few days, and the other two are visiting him.

Rocco, sympathetic, decides to call on his injured line cook in the hospital and send his best wishes for a speedy recovery when he finds that the hospital has no record of his being admitted.

That’s right, they all lied to him. Now, while telling a little white lie to cover your ass may be passable once in a while, telling a whopper like this is rather inexcusable. Of course, people are going to check up on you. They are concerned for your well-being! How stupid can you get?

Anyway, while the three meet in a bar and unanimously decide not to go in to work, we see the consequences of their actions. Perry, who is rather low on the line, is given a battlefield promotion to the grill under the watchful eye of Eric, the sous chef.

With orders flying in left and right, we see that Perry is indeed “in the weeds.” He’s swamped, people. The sweat is running off his forehead in buckets, as he sears steaks, and throws duck breasts in the oven, all while taking abuse from the sous chef and the kitchen master. We see just how bad it is, when Perry (who hardly seems incompetent, just inexperienced) is relieved of his command. But don’t worry. I’m sure it was a valuable learning experience for him, and I’m sure he’ll do better next time.

Oh and Tony Bordain, along with Chef Eric Ripert, dined at Rocco’s. (Bordain even mentions Rocco Dispirito as one of the up-and-commers in “Kitchen Confidential”.) They critique the food and the restaurant rather fairly, I think, as it is coming from one of their own. “This is pretty good.” “This blows.” “I respect what he was trying to do with this, although, I don’t really care for it.” Wow.

The next day, the three are brought into Rocco’s where the kitchen manager and Rocco agree that their lying is inexcusable. They are interviewed by Rocco one at a time as he secretly gives them each one last chance to tell him the truth. They each stick to their story and decide to quit (they still don’t know that Rocco is on to them) citing retarded reasons for their unhappiness. Rocco isn’t in the kitchen enough. I want to work with sauces. I don’t see this as being good enough for me.

Then Rocco gets pissed and calls them on their lying and fires them. (Rightfully so, I might add.) He calls their behavior juvenile, and is most angered that his Mother was all worked up over the fake injury. He calls them utterly unprofessional and tells them “never to darken this doorstep again. You’re not good enough for this place.”

Go Rocco. See! That’s what I want to see. Busy kitchens, mutinous employees, and a take-charge chef. It’s too bad that there’s only one more episode left.

There’s also a stupid side plot about a waiter having a stand-up comedy gig, but that would take too long to go into. I plan to do that on Wednesday.

Tomorrow, you get to hear about my incredible weekend. No, no. Please, try to contain your enthusiasm.

READ THESE JOURNALS Uncle Bob SaraH

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