So back to “The Restaurant” for today’s entry. Pete, a waiter who fancies himself a stand-up comic, got his first big break when he was given the opportunity to perform a six-minute set at the Supper Club.

How do you think he did?

Yeah, it was that terrible.

He bombed worse than Fat Man and Little Boy, folks.

What, no rimshot?

You see, Pete, was probably told once, “Hey! You’re a funny guy. You should do standup!”

And Pete probably thought, “Yeah! I am pretty funny! I should do stand-up!”

You see, this is akin to someone telling you that since you can make good hors d’ouevres for your parties, that you should open a restaurant. The point is, you will always fail.

Pete doesn’t strike me as a funny guy. He strikes me as the pseudo-snarky guy who tries too hard to be funny. He may make people laugh in normal conversation but that does not a stand-up make.

Before hand, he was telling a fellow waiter that his material was edgy, confrontational even, and that he hoped the audience was ready for it.

You wanna know just how poorly he did?

His first and only joke: “Hey, how is everyone tonight? You know what the coolest thing is about terrorist bombings?”

Audience: “Booooooooooo!”

That’s right. He opened his set with a joke sympathizing with terrorists. In New York. Hmm, you might wanna rethink that one, Pete.

So amidst overpowering booing from the audience Pete obviously got flustered.

“That’s right, I went there. Aw c’mon, it’s comedy folks. You know what the coolest thing is about terrorist bombings? The way they take credit for them. It’s like hip-hop artists giving shout-outs.”

And so the booing increased ten-fold. People walked out of the club, disgusted.

Stand-up comedy rule #1: Know your audience.

You wouldn’t go to a children’s birthday party and talk about hookers, and fucking, and shit like that. Similarly, it would be inappropriate to sympathize with terrorists in a place like, oh, I don’t know, maybe New York.

Stand-up comedy rule #2: Be funny.

The joke, aside from not being funny, is clunky. Pete could have reworked the joke, to not seem like he was sympathizing with terrorists, and still made it less clunky, had he said, “What’s the deal with all these terrorist bombings? These fuckers are all taking credit like hip-hop artists giving shout-outs. ‘Yo, I’d like to thank my main man Allah for making this possible.’” It’s less clunky, and it doesn’t completely alienate the audience.

Stand-up comedy rule #3: Know your material.

Pete obviously was flustered. After the immediate booing following the opening to his act, he should have realized that this was not going to go well should he continue, and made a self-deprecating remark, transitioning into his next joke.

As it was, Pete had to be rescued by the M.C. I kind of felt bad for him, it being his first big club and all; however, he totally brought it on himself with a pathetic, inappropriate joke like that.

“Hey kids! You know what’s great about slaughtering thousands of innocent people in the name of God?…”

Poor Pete. What a retard.

READ THESE JOURNALS Uncle Bob SaraH

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