Ok. So I’m wondering: Is it wrong that it’s only the first day of Passover and already I’m contemplating the Pizza Hut Lunch Buffet?

Yeah, I thought so. Damn me and my Jewish guilt.

For those of you keeping score, I drove to my parents’ house in Baltimore over the weekend to celebrate my mom’s birthday. I drove back last night for the first Seder. I’m driving back tonight for the second Seder. And I’m driving back Wednesday night to fly to Boston (to see my new little cousin of whom I mentioned the other day).

Has anyone else realized the gas prices are ridiculously expensive?

Yeah, so this driving two hundred miles a day is beating the crap out of my wallet.

But on the plus side, my mommy made me lunch today.

And on the minus side it’s a Passover lunch.

She packed me chicken salad, (Kosher for Passover Utz) potato chips, and a salami sandwich.

Now I realize that some of you are left scratching your collective heads at the mention of “sandwich” and “Passover” in the same sentence.

For those of you who are unaware, there is such a thing as a Kosher for Passover Roll. And it tastes every bit as delicious as it sounds. I mean, who wouldn’t enjoy a roll made entirely without flour?

And it tastes like wet cardboard.

Currently, it is residing at the bottom of my garbage can, where it landed with a thud usually reserved for heavy machinery, or concrete.

See, we Jews tend to think we can outsmart ourselves by inventing food products designed to trick ourselves into thinking they are delicious, and just like the everyday digestibles we normally eat.

Case in point: the Kosher for Passover Cereal.

This is some nasty shit, folks. Really. When I was young, my Mom would try to find Kosher for Passover items that we would enjoy. So imagine my surprise when she came home with Kosher-O’s, a Kosher for Passover knockoff of Cheerios. So, we figured, they look and feel like Cheerios, how bad could they actually be?

Ever put sawdust in a bowl, and try to eat it? Mmm, mmm good. The majority of Kosher for Passover food is utterly craptastic.

And I have to endure seven more days of it.

So be sure to think of me as you’re eating your toast loaded with flour, your popcorn chock full of corn, your sodas infused with corn syrup, and your legumes jam-packed with whatever the hell is in legumes that I can’t have during Passover.

Bon Appetit, bitches.

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